Jewish people are the most optimistic people in the world.
They have some cut off before they even know how big it will get.
In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
When it graduates from med school.
What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
“Modem anachnu loch”.
Who was the most well known Jewish cook?
What’s the difference between Santa and a Jew?
Santa goes down the chimney.
What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
What goes faster than a speeding bullet?
A jew with a coupon.
Why is money green?
Because Jews pick it before it is ripe!
My wife has been missing for a week now. The police said to prepare
for the worst.
So I went down to Goodwill and got all of her clothes back ….
Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!
How do you find the Jews in your neighborhood?
Roll a penny down the road.
What do you call a Jewish knight?
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his
class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year!
You’d better stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”
The cost of living has now gotten so bad my wife is having sex with
me because she can’t afford batteries.
A man called 911 and said “I think my wife is dead”. The operator
says, “How do you know?”
The man says “The sex is the same, but the ironing is piling up.”
The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we’d love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the end of
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.
I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by
turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole
I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.
The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers, so I did. She’s 21, and her name’s Kathy.
What’s the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts? Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying “Yo.”
SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff) What’s the Cuban National Anthem? “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she’s 18.
What’s the difference between a porcupine and BMW? A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.