Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
How do you kill a redneck? Wait ’till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
How do you fit 4 queers on a barstool? Flip it upside-down.
Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It’s their kids who cause all the trouble.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.
What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn’t work.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver’s Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.
How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
What’s the difference between Paul Walker and a computer? I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.
What do you call a five year old with no friends? A sandy hook survivor.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
What’s the différence between jelly and jam? I can’t jelly my dick down a baby’s throat. Some top ones
What’s better than winning the WNBA championship? Peeing standing up.
What do a nigger and a sperm have in common? Both have a one in a million chance of becoming a human being.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?