What is a redneck virgin? A seven year old that can run faster than her brothers.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
Girls are like blackjack… I’m trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can’t do stand up.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None,they just sit in the dark and bitch.
Did you hear about the two car pile up in Mexico? 200 Mexicans died.
What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A pedophile.
What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
What happened when the jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altarboy.
So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn’t work.
How do you kill a redneck? Wait ’till he fucks his sister then cut the brakes on his house.
What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? Freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed. and Driver’s Ed. on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
Most black 15 year-olds in this country are decent, law abiding citizens. It’s their kids who cause all the trouble.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.
How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
What’s got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What do you call a five year old with no friends ? A sandy hook survivor.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.