What did the black kid get for his birthday?
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Why are most Guidos named Tony?
When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
Because she moans with the other.
What part of a vegetable can’t you eat?
What did the black guy get on his SAT test?
What do you give a cannibal who is late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
How do you get a fat girl in bed?
Piece of cake.
What did the the hotdog vendor at the bottom of the WTC say?
Who ordered the 2 jumbo’s?
My wife came home from work crying yesterday and asked me to console her.
So I hit her over the head with my Xbox.
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.
The bear says to the rabbit, “You ever have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?”
The rabbit says, “No.”
So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.
I was having sex the other day and I was starting to get tired so I asked the girl to “Get on top”.
To which she replied, “You haven’t raped many girls before have you?”
Roses are red, Violets are blue, I’m using my hand, But I’m thinking of you
Roses are red, Violets are fine, You be the six, I’ll be the nine.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Criminals are black, Not racist, just true
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
“Keep the tip”.
What do you call a woman who has lost 95 percent of her intelligence?
What does a homeless woman use for a vibrator?
Two flies in a bottle.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person?
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
I came home one day and my girlfriend was packing her bags. I asked her what was going on, and she says through her tears, “You’re a pedophile!”
And I said, “That’s an awfully big word for a 6 year-old.”
Why don’t black people celebrate Thanksgiving?
Because KFC isn’t open on holidays.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
Why can’t ophans play baseball?
They don’t know where home is.
Roses are red, Violets are glorious, Don’t try to surprise Oscar Pistorius.
A recruitment consultant calls a software professional
She: Hello Sir, I have two openings for you
He: Of course you do, but I am married
She hangs up the phone.
What’s worse than locking your keys in your car in front of an abortion clinic?
Going back in to ask for a coat hanger.
Why did Hitler kill himself?
He saw the gas bill.