How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie?
Under the vacuum cleaner.
Did you hear about the new jewish tire coming out this summer?
It not only stops you on a dime but it picks it up too.
What aren’t Jews in the Boy Scouts?
Their parents refuse to send them to a camp.
What do you call a Jewish kid in a hat?
What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
what does a Jewish pirate say?
What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
“Modem anachnu loch…
Why don’t Jews trust Germans?
Because the first time they did nazi that coming.
If a doctor carries a black leather bag and a plumber carries a box of tools, what does a mohel carry?
A bris kit.
What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
What do you call an Asian Jew?
Jew Wa Lee (Julie)
A “C” student with a Jewish mother.
Who was the most well known Jewish cook?
Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel?
It’s called “Cheeses of Nazareth.
What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
Would you believe the Flinstones were Jewish?
Yabba Dabba Jew!
What do you call a Jewish knight?
What Holiday does a Jewish car celebrate?
Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
His name was Rumpled Foreskin.
Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!
What is a jews least favorite hotdog topping?
How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
He installs a parking meter on the roof.
Why don’t people mug Jews on Yom Kippur?
Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off
What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.
Why do Jews have big noses?
Because the air is free.