Q: what does a Jewish pirate say?
A: Ahoy vey!
Q: How can you tell if someone is half Catholic and half Jewish?
A: When he goes to confession, he takes a lawyer with him.
Q: Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q: Did you hear about the new jewish tire coming out this summer?
A: It not only stops you on a dime but it picks it up too.
Q: A Jew walks in to a wall with a boner. What hits first?
A: His nose
Q: What is the proper blessing to recite before logging on to the Internet?
A: “Modem anachnu loch…
Q: Why don’t Jews trust Germans?
A: Because the first time they did nazi that coming.
Q: If a doctor carries a black leather bag and a plumber carries a box of tools, what does a mohel carry?
A: A bris kit.
Q: What do you call the steaks ordered by ten Jewish men?
A: Fillet minyan.
Q: What kind of cheese melts on a piece of matza to make a passover pizza?
Q: What do you call a Jewish kid in a hat?
Q: What do you call an Asian Jew?
A: Jew Wa Lee (Julie)
Q: Define: Genius
A: A “C” student with a Jewish mother.
Q: Who was the most well known Jewish cook?
Q: Did you hear about the new facility Kraft Foods is building in Israel?
A: It’s called “Cheeses of Nazareth.
Q: What would you call a bloodthirsty Jew on a rampage?
A: Genghis Cohen.
Q: Would you believe the Flinstones were Jewish?
A: Yabba Dabba Jew!
Q: What do you call a Jewish knight?
A: Sir Cumsiced.
Q: What Holiday does a Jewish car celebrate?
Q: What aren’t Jews in the Boy Scouts?
A: Their parents refuse to send them to a camp.
Q: Why do Jews have big noses?
A: Because the air is free.
Q: Did you hear about the Jewish troll?
A: His name was Rumpled Foreskin.
Q: Did you hear about the new tires, Firestein?
A: They not only stop on a dime, they also pick it up!
Q: What is a jews least favorite hotdog topping?
Q: How does a Jew celebrate Christmas?
A: He installs a parking meter on the roof.
Q: What is the difference between a crucifixion and a circumcision?
A: In a crucifixion, they throw out the whole Jew.
Q: Why were gentiles invented?
A: Somebody has to pay retail.
Q: What do you call a potato that picks on Jews?
A: a dicTATER.
Q: Why don’t people mug Jews on Yom Kippur?
A: Dey fast.
Q: Why do Jewish men have to be circumcised?
A: Because a Jewish women wont touch anything unless it’s 20% off
Q: In the Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become a human?
A: When it graduates from med school.
Q: Why do Jewish men like to watch porno movies backward?
A: They like the part where the hooker gives the money back.
Q: What’s the definition of a queer Jew?
A: Someone that likes girls more than money.
Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A: A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q: What do you call someone from Israel that has to sneeze?
A: A Jew